Episode 74: Our Disability Is Not The Problem

You're listening to Demand and Disrupt, the podcast for information about accessibility, advocacy and all things disability.

Welcome to Demand and Disrupt, a disability podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Parsley.

And I'm your co host, Sam Moore. Welcome to another fun filled edition of Demand that Disruption. Gosh. As this puppy comes out, it's right after a Friday, hopefully a lucky Friday the 13th. Kimberly.

That's true. Oh, it is. And we have got. You know what? People are lucky because we got a great show coming up for them.

They are lucky.

I am talking with Shay Ryan Kessler and she is a graduate student in the Kelly Autism Program at Western Kentucky University.

Go, Shay.

Yeah, she's going to tell us all about the program at Western and being a student. And, you know, this is the time of year when people are thinking about that sort of thing. Where are they going to go? Applying. Right.

Yeah. I remember this time my senior year, I was, you know, here we are in March. So I had already decided I was going to go to Western, but then, you know, there's getting the housing application filled out and. And, you know, making arrangements for that private room which I had for my technology and stuff so I could spread out. I forget, did you have a private room, Kimberly, when you lived at Western on campus?

I did not. I did not. My first. I did not my first year. I did my second and third year because it took me being in there a year to realize, hey, everything I have talks. So maybe I need a private room.

So, yeah, that might get on the roommate's nerves every once in a while.

It did. But Jenny. Hi, Jenny. If you listen, shout out. Yep. Jenny was very understanding about it and

stuff, so occasionally she might have excused herself and she was probably like, I'm going to go to the study room over here.

Yep, yep. She was out a lot, so. And that. That might have been why. So. But then I had a. I had a private room after that. So you're right. This is a time when people are doing that sort of stuff. My son is a future hilltopper.

Is it official?

It's official.

Yep.

He's going to be going to Western, majoring in psych science. Psych science. Anybody can tell me what that is. I love to know. I think he's looking at maybe going into med school, be a psychiatrist.

Oh, okay. Well, he can't stay at Western for med school, but. No, no, at least he can stay for, you know, three, four years, however long it takes him to get the bachelor's.

Yeah. And. And he doesn't know he may He. He may go into, like, researching, you know, just like, like neuro research or something. So he's interested in how the brain works and what it does. What it does, how it does, what it does and all that. So. Yeah.

Even though you' to campus, you did tell me he's going to stay in the dorm, right?

He is. He is going to stay in the. In the dorm so he can get

the, you know, the campus. The full campus life experience, shall we say?

He is.

And I think that is so important. I think he should do that. I am supportive, but I gotta say, I'm getting a little clingy. Starting to get a little clingy. He's.

Right about the time he's getting ready to leave.

Yeah. Yep. I'm getting a little clingy. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. He is. Is less excited about spending more time with me, so. And I get that it's. It's tough, you know, it's tough when you have two kids, is one of your kids is always. They're either the first one to do a thing, so it makes you sad, or they're the last one to do the thing, so you're sad because of the last one, so it's just. You're sad all the time. It's bittersweet. It's not sad. It's bittersweet.

Yeah.

So, so proud, you know, it's bittersweet.

And I know you're proud. The good thing is he's still right there in town, so whenever you need a ride, you can just call him and, you know, only problem is, I guess he could always say, oh, I'm busy. I got a club meeting. I'm, you know, we've got a special function today. Or I guess he could always make up stuff. But.

Yeah, you.

You know, but at least he's right there in town.

He is a he. He's kind of anxious about driving. Believe it or not, he's got his license, but he's still kind of anxious about driving on his own.

He's still sort of in that transition.

Yes, yes. Which I think is very responsible to be nervous about, you know?

Yeah. It's better to be too conscientious than not conscientious enough, so.

Right, right. And, you know, I don't feel bad talking about parenting, given that this. This podcast evolved out of a parenting book. A celebration of family stories of parents for the book. Yep. Go out and check it out. It was all a bunch of parents with disabilities talking about their Their journey and that was a lot of episodes were focused on. So I don't feel bad about revisiting that.

No, not at all. Some of those folks even that I have chatted with throughout my participation in the show here have been parents that were spotlighted in the book.

Right, right. And fun stuff. Yeah. And we'll just let the, the listeners have a peek behind the curtain because of a few time constraints that we've got going on. Some Sam and I did not discuss. We did not have our pre recording meeting about what we're going to talk about. So.

Yeah, this is just, this is about as off cuff as we've been to this point.

100. Yep, it is. So.

Oh gosh.

But, but Shay, Ron, shout out to her and we're, you know, I don't want to spoil it for the listeners. I'm sure you'll cover this, but where's she from? Kimberly?

She is from Louisville.

Okay, so she's a Kentuckian anyway.

Yeah, she is from Louisville. Went chose Western because of the Kelly Aut program and talks about some of the good things about college, some of the bad things. Spoiler alert. And Sam, she said it still sucks to live in a dorm, so. Hey.

Oh, is that what she said?

Yeah, some things never change. I think it, I think it sucks to start living in a dorm until you get the hang of it, you know?

Yeah.

You know, I wonder if she's in a community, if she has a community style bathroom. Probably not because not too many dorms do anymore.

But I don't know.

That's what I had freshman year, you know, where I would have to, you know, whenever I was ready to take a shower, I had to put my flip flops on and my robe and walk on down there.

Walk on down the hall. Yep.

Yeah, but that was so it was kind of a luxury after my freshman year when I actually got a private room with a, with a private bathroom so I could actually, you know, do my thing and not have to pass anybody in the process.

Yeah, I, I had suites so it was like two rooms with a bathroom in the middle. And actually so one of my suite mates, Molly, became one of my best friends. She's the godmother of my children.

So shout out to Molly.

Shout out to Molly. Yep. So good things can happen.

They can indeed. And we'll get to that momentarily. But you know, I had this random thought. You told me you did tell. Even though we didn't meet about it, you told me to think about things, talk about and you know, I Enjoy singing a little bit casually from time to time. And I got to thinking, actually, this. This stems from a Facebook post I made like, a year or two or three ago. But one day I got to thinking about what songs, Kimberly, that I would like to record if I were to ever do a cover album.

A cover album? Because you do sing, right?

You do sing occasionally. Yes, yes, I do sing. And I sing the occasional karaoke in at church and. And things like that. I mean, I don't sing every week at church, but I wouldn't want him to get too used to it. But once in a blue moon.

Now, the karaoke is not at church, right?

No, no, no.

There you go.

It would be kind of cool if it was.

You know, it'd be a different kind of church.

But anyhow, so being that I'm totally blind and you are, too, for that matter, but I. I was thinking about, you know, songs that it would be ironic if I were to record them for a cover album. And one of them is that old Hank Senior song, I Saw the Light.

Oh, the gospel song? Yeah. I thought you were gonna be. I thought there was like a. You know, they say you're a blind drunk. I thought. Yeah. When you said Hank Senior, I thought that's where you're going.

But no. Oh, gosh. That. Those are. I don't remember hearing those lyrics. Although those would be perfect Hank Senior lyrics.

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

So another one is Blinded by the Light. You remember that song, Kimberly?

Yeah.

Manford man and his Earth Band.

I. I didn't know that's who it was by, but yeah.

Blinded by the Light.

Wow. Wow. Okay.

We could do that. Let's see. Then there were. Let's see, and I Can See clearly now by Johnny Nash.

There you go. That would be good one, that. That would be good.

Yeah. There were other versions, but I think Johnny Nash had the most most famous version of it. And then Clint Black had a song, Surprise Surprise, a country song from the. From the early 90s. Clint Black had a song called Loving Blonde.

Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. You know, U2 has a song called City of Blinding Lights. Not sure.

I didn't think about that, but that'd be another good one.

Could you get that? Could you get Bono's range, do you reckon? Could you?

That's a long shot.

You think so?

I'd have to learn the lyrics, too, but anyway. And. Oh, and Debbie Boone had a song many moons ago. You light up my life.

You have very eclectic tastes. I really do.

Well, part of that comes from being a Trivia host for several years now.

Oh, I see. Yeah. Yes, I get that.

So you know, which, you know, I may or may not look up some of this stuff that I ask. Just, you know, it depends on who's asking. But anyway, I may or may not have learned a lot through trivia research.

There you go. There you go.

Anyway. Oh, I see it now by, by Tracy Lawrence. That's another, another old country song from the 90s.

No, I don't know that one.

Yeah, I don't know that one. I'll have to listen to it. And if you learn some of these, Kimberly, maybe we can, you know, do due durret of these.

I don't think you want to do that, Sa.

Because I'm picturing a good singer in you that just is too shy to reveal it.

You know, in, in years ago I could sing pretty well now, you know, the range deepens and, and stuff.

So your voice has gotten slightly lower.

Slightly lower. Yeah, things like that. It, it does happen. You don't have the, you don't have the breath range, you know that you, you used to, you know, your, your

children are, are musical too. But neither one of them sing a.

They do. Sayer is in choir. Huh?

Okay, I forgot. Sayer is in choir. Okay, so. So she can carry some of the singing weight if we need it.

She can, she can. Yep. If you need a, if you need a cello accompaniment, you know, my son Ian's your man.

So there we go. So we got a singer and a cello is.

Yeah, you got a singer and a cellist and I don't know if you need like a glockenspiel, say, or girl.

Hey, you never know where we might be. What. So folks, you can, you know, just keep your eyes open. I made that post and, and one lady actually took me seriously a few years ago. She was like, any updates on when that cover albums coming out? Well, I was like, I may or may not have been joking about that, dear.

Well, now you need to get on it, Sam.

I'll tell you now, now it's going to come out on the podcast and, and I'm going to be now be getting all these inquiries.

Yeah, now you're going to have to get on you're. You're adoring public awaits.

Oh yeah, yeah, I'm going to have to get my fully leaded pencil ready to sign autographs and, and do all that fun stuff.

Now we are here in mid March and you tell me that basketball is happening and that UK is as we see, speak, playing as we're recording this, and that may or may not have anything to do with our time constraints, the aforementioned time constraints that we're.

We won't. We won't say what the state of the game was last I checked. Because, you know, needless to say, when this comes out, the game will be decided and you know, we'll know.

People will know.

We'll know where Kentucky or we'll come. We'll be close to knowing where Kentucky falls in the big tournament.

So this isn't the big turn. This is like the SEC tournament.

Yeah, this is. Well, as we're recording this, this is the SEC tournament, conference tournament.

So I apologize to. No, I apologize to the sports fans. You included her. Like, how can not know. How can she not know?

That's why we're here to educate you. But. But when. This is what I want to know. You were watching. Let's see, what were you. What were you watching during the Super Bowl? All Creatures Great.

All Creatures Great and small.

Yeah, so. So what I want to know is when the big tournament rolls around next week and we get like, I don't know when Kentucky's gonna play, but there'll be games on all day Thursday through Sunday. So what, what are you going to watch during the tournament, Kimberly?

I have no idea. I mean, I really.

Question.

Yeah, no, I mean, I don't. I don't have any idea. I'll probably be reading a book. Honestly, I'll probably be reading a book. I mean, if there's a Kentucky school in the tournament, especially if it's Western, is that going to happen?

Is that Western would probably have to win the conference to tournament to get in because they just kind of been. So, so they're, they're. They're over 500. But yeah, they'll. They'll probably have to win the conference tournament or at least come close to it.

Okay. So I, I mean, I may watch. If there's a Kentucky school in it. I might. We know, we might pay attention.

Kentucky should be. And, and, and Uvale get in too.

Right.

So you'll. So you'll at least have two.

So I don't know. I may pay attention. I mean, Kentucky and Uofl that sort of old hat that they're in it. Right.

Well, I will say one thing. Those schools both expect to be in it every year.

Yes, yes.

When they're not, it's a disappointment and

the fans get real upset if they're not.

So this is true. Yeah, they sure do. Yeah. Let's say. Well, it's not All Creatures Great and Small, but mom started watching another spin off sort of similar to All Creatures Great and Small. That's not that. That's on on Sunday nights, and I'm not sure what it is. I'm drawing a blank.

Well, now you're gonna have to ask your mom find out. Let me know.

I will. Yeah. If I can't think of it now, folks, come back in two weeks, I'll have it for you.

Yeah, yeah, you'll have to. You'll have to text me and let me know.

I'll text you for sure. Because, yeah, it's. And so if that's on Sunday night, you can watch that during the Sunday night games because, you know, if she likes it, you probably would, too.

Yeah, I would. Yeah. And you know, this is also the time of year. Don't colleges and universities usually go on spring break in March?

Yes, I believe. I believe that western spring break is happening the very week after this show comes out.

Oh, okay. So I'm wondering, Sam, are you traveling anywhere this spring?

No, probably not. You know, mom works three days a week in the school system, even though she's a retired school teacher, so she'll be off that week. And so I guess technically we could. Maybe I'll try to come up with some short day trip for us to make somewhere. But. But no, I don't think we'll be traveling anywhere. Are you going to be traveling anywhere during. I know you're, you know, a queen of the castle type of girl, but when Bowling Green Independent Schools go on spring break, do you see your. See your group going anywhere?

You know, like you just said, I love me a day trip. I do love me a day trip, but I don't know. I, you know, I need to make a trip to Memphis, and we're trying to make. I have ocular prosthetics, and I need them worked on by a ocularist who does that sort of thing. And my guy is in Memphis, and Memphis is like four hours. So I'm trying to find something to do between something to do in Memphis here and there. So.

But yeah, I've been to the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis. Went there for a grad school field trip.

Well, you know, I didn't think about that. That was that cool?

It was cool. Yeah. We, we. We stood in the room, I think right below the room where Martin Luther King was assassinated in the. In the former Lorraine Motel. And so. And then they have all sorts of exhibits about the, you know, the civil rights movement and, and mlk so, yeah, you. You probably enjoy that, Kimberly. And then we. I remember for supper that night, we went to a place. Well, there's a million barbecue places in Memphis, but we went to a place in Beale street called Flynn's. And I'll never forget, I cracked up when we walked in. And. And the owner goes. She goes, you can get my ribs one of three ways. You can get them wet, you can get them dry, or you can get them deep fried. Now, I've never had a deep fried rib.

I didn't know that was a thing.

I didn't know either. He recommended that you get them dry with his sauce on the side, so that's what I did.

Were they good?

They were pretty good. Yeah, they were. I'm used to western Kentucky barbecue, and it was a little different animal, so I think I would still prefer west Kentucky barbecue over that. But, you know, I'm glad I tried it. And one of these days, I'm gonna have to go back to Flynn's for a deep fried rib. And. And Because I didn't try at that time, and. And of course, the rendezvous place down there is practically world playing famous, so I do want to go there. You know, Charlie Virgo's rendezvous? You ever heard.

No, I don't know what that is. What is that?

It's a barbecue place.

Oh, okay.

Okay. If it's not on Beale street, it's right there in the. In Memphis and should be pretty easy to get. I believe it's. I believe it's the Neely's place. You know the Neely's?

I do. I remember. From Food Network. Huh?

Yeah. If it's not the Neely's place, they definitely do have a place down there. So you folks can email us if we're [email protected] and tell us, you know, for getting our places mixed up.

Right.

And then, you know, something else coming up is St. Patrick's Day.

Yeah. That'll be the Tuesday after this puppy comes out.

Right. And green beer is all the rage. I don't know what else. Do you do anything for St. Patrick's Day?

Not typically. I don't usually go all out for it or anything. I remember last year I hosted trivia on St. Patrick's Day because it actually fell on a Monday. And I think I. You know, we do four rounds. I think I devoted one category to St. Patty's Day because, you know, I didn't want to get pinched.

There you go. Yeah. Yeah.

And I always try to wear, you know, I'm not green head to toe or anything, but I'll try to wear at least enough green not to get pinched outside.

There you go. Yeah.

So, yeah, I'll at least observe it partially, I suppose.

I had Biscuit a shirt when she was a puppy that said, pet me, I'm Irish.

Pet me. I'm Iris.

Yes. It was cute.

You're gonna put that on her on Tuesday?

No, it would not fit around her neck right now. She's so big.

She's outgrown it.

Yeah, she was a little. Little puppy. Like, I remember when she was a puppy going outside and, like, I would go outside with her because she was so tiny that we have, like, hawks out here. I Like, they could carry her off. Oh, that is not a concern now.

We're past that at this point.

Yeah, yeah, so I hear you.

Well, you know, at least she's not causing crazy antics at this point. Although I'm sure by the time we do this again in two weeks, you'll probably have another story to add to the Biscuit Chronicles.

There'll be something. She's been surprisingly good last few.

Yeah, I guess we better not jinx it.

Even as I say it, I get scared. I'm like, knock on wood. That was me knocking on my.

You get scared that in, like, two seconds, she's gonna go bonkers.

It could be it. It could absolutely be.

You just never know.

You never know.

Oh, gosh. But, yeah. We sure hope that our guest today, Shay Ryan, enjoys her spring break next week.

Yes, I hope she does. And she was great to talk to and wonderful. So I hope the. The fine folks love hearing my interview. I hope you have a wonderful spring break. If you celebrate, I hope UK wins. If you love that, I hope they lose if you're a Louisville fan. So I want.

We can agree on that.

There you go. We can agree on the tops. So. All right, y', all, everyone have a wonderful rest of March. I am pleased to have Shea Ryan Kessler joining me today. She and I have been trying to get this conversation on the books since way back in November, but we have finally made it happen. Hello, Shay. Welcome to Demand and Disrupt.

Hi. Thank you.

Shay is a student at my alma mater, Western Kentucky University. And beyond that, I'm going to let her tell you about herself. So, Shay, tell me about yourself.

Well, I got my undergraduate degree in psychology, and I am currently in grad school. This is my second semester in grad school for social work. I grew up in Louisville, and I went to Bowling Green for college. I I chose Western because my sister was going to Western at the time and because I got into the Kelly Autism program here. And I always kind of knew where I was wanting to go with my life with since we're in like my junior year of high school. But the approach that I was taking kind of shifted every now and then. So my journey to social work kind of came to my senior year. But I've been in Bowling Green, in and out for about five years now, and it's kind of become my second home.

Oh, well, as a fellow Bowling Greener, I guess that's what you call us. I am glad to have you here. So you say you knew your journey. Did you know you were going to go into psychology, your undergrad, or did you know you wanted to end up in social work?

I knew I wanted to be in psychology for my undergrad. So when I was in high school, I was a lot in advocacy. I was diagnosed with. With autism when I was 13. And I was really struggling before then. And I had. There was a lot of bullying with both teachers and classmates and some of my friends and I had some issues with certain family members and my ECE teacher. And there are people who are like therapists and people who are supposed to help me who really just making things worse. And when I finally started understanding things, I was researching things. My parents were researching things. Really, they were very supportive. I'm very fortunate to have them as parents. And so we. I finally started making decent grades and I finally started getting better as far as my mental health and, and social skills go and, and grades. So when I, when I was junior in high school is when I really wanted to go into psychology because I was asking my ECE teacher and it took like 18 tries to get her to finally tell me something that I could do because she was like, yeah, just be an ECE teacher. I was like, no, that's not what I want to do. So I started taking some social work classes my senior year of college, and I really appreciated it. And while I liked having a psychology background, social work was really, it took more of a human humanistic approach and it was not. It treated social work treats people as human beings rather than a textbook definition. That doesn't change. And we're not just petri dishes. Social work professors treated me a lot differently than psychology professors did. And while I really love the psychology department, I like the social work approach better.

Shake, what kind of supports do you get there at wku?

Supports? Well, there is the Student Accessibility Resource center that helps people with Any kind of neurodiverse experience. However, the Kelly Autism Program works through sarc, which is their. Their nickname. And the Kelly Autism Program is nicknamed cap. And so the Kelley Autism Program helps provide study tables, which is a studious environment where they can have tutors, students can have tutors, and, like, where we can get help on, like, assignments or projects or assistance with professors if there's any kind of issue, if we need it. Usually it's just a studious environment, and we only ask for help if we need it. There are socials, but they're now called connections, events, but when I first came there, they were called social, so I'm still calling them that. And there are. There's therapy. There's actually two therapists there now, because one of the advisors just got her her master's in counseling, and so she's now there. So there's an lcsw, and then there's a master's in counseling, and so there. So there's a male and female, because there have been some students who didn't want to do the take in the therapy services because they were female and they didn't want a male therapist. But the therapist that I've had there is a male therapist, and he has been the best therapist that I have. I have had in my lifetime. And I. I have had a few since I was 11. And the woman who was there, she is my TAP advisor as well, so she wouldn't be able to be my therapist anyway, because she is my advisor, but she is. She is an incredible woman. Also, we get advisors so that we can stay on top of assignments, and they know what we need help with and what we have done. Their purpose is to treat us as the adults that we are, but also to help us with what we need help with, like social skills, if we want to have help in that, or relationships, if that is our goal, or building friendship, if that is our goal. Pretty much just helping us with whatever goals that we want, as well as the majors and degrees that we're wanting to get.

So, Shay, I'm wondering, you said you were diagnosed with autism at 13. Was that right?

Yeah.

So. So how does. How does autism show up in your life?

In my life. Okay. Because that's a very complicated question in general. Yes, I know, but in. In, it was kind of hard for my parents to recognize it as autism. They knew that I had certain challenges, but they weren't. They saw it as, like, little kid quirks. They didn't really see it as anything else until I hit middle school. Because my mom, my parents are both teachers. Well, they're retired now, but they were both teachers. And so my mom worked in middle school, my dad worked with high school. So once I got to middle school and I was acting like some of my mom's students, that was when she started recognizing that I could be autistic. But when I was in elementary school I had a lot of sensory issues that they didn't understand why I wouldn't want to wear my, my sister's hand me downs. They didn't understand why I was hiding in the clothes racks at the, at stores because I was getting overwhelmed in, in stores because I don't like shopping. And they didn't understand why I, I wasn't picking up on certain mannerisms. Like it didn't seem to matter how old I was getting. Like I was still putting my hand in, in my, my drink glass because I wanted to eat the ice and, and licking food off my plate. And so my dad had to teach me how to behave in a restaurant. And I did not like that because I thought it was annoy necessary because, you know, it's a restaurant. You know, I would go up to strangers and ask if I could pet their babies. I was poking holes in my clothes with, with pencils and, and tearing up my notebooks and my pencils and tearing the dead skin off of my fingers. I was really sensitive and I couldn't tell the difference between when someone was joking when someone wasn't. I didn't like spit and so I wouldn't share food. I wouldn't eat if some. Anything or touch anything if somebody had put their mouth on it. And I was very tender headed. So when parents tried to brush my hair when I was a kid, I would just scream. So like they just didn't understand. And like I would run around in circles a lot and I still like to pace in circles and I would stim. My mom says that I used to rock back and forth. Other family members did not seem to see that I still do that though. But they didn't start noticing until I got diagnosed. But my mom said that I've done that my whole life. So I'm not really sure what that's about. But those were the challenges that I've had. I have a really great memory. I'm very creative and I'm very observant and things that like you would not quite grass, like things that would be overt to other people go over my head. But things that would go over other people's head are pretty, you Know, blatant for me. So it's kind of funny, right? In certain communications. I was obsessed with aliens when I was a little kid. And not that I thought that they were aliens in our solar system, but just like aliens in general, I like Lilo and Stitch, and I like Garfield and Sims, and I was very empathetic, and I. I would take on other people's emotions. I would try to fix my friend's problems, and I would try to. I did everything that I could. So I was pretty easily manipulated, which. Because when you're kind, people take that, take advantage of that. I also just did not quite grasp certain social situations, so I made a lot of mistakes, and I didn't understand certain contexts of certain things. Like. Like when somebody. Their arms were hairy, I'd be like. Or like, their. Their arms were dry, I would point out that they were also hairy, and then they would have to say. And I was like, well, I mean, you were. I thought you were talking about what was going on with your arm. But I'm a lot better at that now. I used to make observations that I thought were compliments. Like, you know, I can make observations about facial features. I'm really good at recognizing faces, but there was a girl in my high school, like, you know, eyeballs set in your school differently. And I. Apparently other people don't notice that, but sometimes the eye will look like it's, like, sucked in there. Other times it looks like it's out more. I still haven't figured out a good way to. To describe that, but it's not a bad thing either way. But I told my friend, you know, your eyes are pretty because they bulge out of your head. And she just started laughing and told me that that was not a compliment.

That's nice that she took it that way, that she wasn't. She wasn't offended by what you said, right?

No, she wasn't.

Oh, well, that's nice. So we're. We're having our conversation near the midpoint of this semester. So I'm wondering, this is kind of the time of year when college seniors start to apply to colleges and universities. So I'm wondering what might someone who's also dealing with either autism or disability challenges at this. This time in their life? What might they need to know about applying for college?

Well, it's kind of stressful. What I did was I applied for my. The local college, UofL, in case I didn't get into the Kelly Autism Program, because otherwise I could live at home and my parents could give me what I needed. But since I did get into the Kelly Autism Program, I was able to move to Bowling Green, which was stressful for my parents. Something that the parents need to understand is that you have to let go and that could be scary for you. I understand. But you need to give your kid that option. So the application process for school is you get an application fee and then you have to wait. And then there's the application to if you want to apply to disability services. I'm not really sure how you would do that through SARC separately, but through the Kelly Autism Program, there is this massive packet that you have to fill out to explain how your autism affects you. You have to give them your high school transcripts, your ACT scores. You have to have an interview with them through zoom or in person. Usually it's through zoom and then there's a second form that you have to fill out. And basically you just have to prove that this is something you're going to take seriously.

So what I'm hearing from you is have a backup plan. But also it sounds like your backup plan needs to be something that you research as much as you do. Your number one choice.

Right, right. So my backup plan, I wasn't sure if I was going to be successful in college, so my backup plan to be successful outside of college, which is perfectly capable thing to do, was to join an advocacy group. I was going to apply for Autism Self Advocacy Network and if I didn't get in, I would apply other advocacy groups and just be a full time disability advocate. Either way, I was going to help people with mental disabilities have better voices and better lives in the world. Because our disability is not the problem, it's the world that's the problem.

Do you work a lot with SARC or does mainly the things that, that you need those supports come through Kelly Autism Program?

Well, when I send out my fnl, which is a faculty notification letter, which is the college equivalent of an IEP or an individual education plan, you have to include SARC on the email, but you also have to include your professors and your CAP advisor. So CAP and sarcasm work together, but you mostly work through cap and if there is a problem with a professor, you do have to contact sarc. But sometimes you can have like SARC is kind of like your secondary resource if you're in cap.

That's good to have. I feel safe in saying, having talked to SARC in the past, that they have suggested anyone who's applying to Western and I assume this would be across the board, any schools is to let the disability office there know just as soon as you can. As soon as you know you're coming, let that disability office know.

Yeah. I suggest that even if you don't have a diagnosis, to contact SARC 2, because there was somebody I knew in a creative writing class who said that he knew for a fact he had a learning disability. He just wasn't able to. He didn't have access to resources to get a diagnosis. And so. But, you know, it was obvious that he did have a learning disability because it. He really struggled reading out loud. And he said that most services are provided to those with diagnoses, but SRC has, like, a subsection to those who do not.

Yeah. Getting a diagnosis is awfully difficult sometimes. Isn't.

Can be. Yes.

And expensive.

Yeah.

If insurance won't cover it or. Yeah. It really just depends. There. There are also limitations to diagnosing, like if. If you're adopted, that there are some processes where the diagnosing was like, what are the behaviors of. Of this kid from these ages? Well, you didn't know those. That kid at those ages, so you can't give those details. Why don't you focus on the behaviors right here and now? Because you can still diagnose at that point in time. I mean, I really don't see the issue of, like, well, I don't understand why it has to be a lifetime thing or, like, why it has to be, you know, what are the first symptoms from when they turn two. Like that. That's.

I.

Are we allowed to curse on here?

You know what? You go ahead. Say.

I think it's.

I love that. I love that. Usually I'm the one who curses on here. So I love it that it's you. I do love it so much. So tell me, to people who are juniors and seniors in high school right now, what kind of things do they need to know?

Well, dorms suck.

I hope that had changed. You're telling me. No.

No.

So you said the dorms suck. So if you had known how badly the dorm sucked, would you have, do you think, lived at home and gone to U ofL?

No, because I would have missed out on my opportunities at cap. And cap was really. That was a needed experience for me.

You're so smart, Shay. You are so smart, and you're so brave. That is so brave of you to say that. And. And to think that it really is. So, Shay, do you have any advice for upcoming college students?

Yeah.

Besides, don't stay in the dorm.

I mean, you have a choice, right? But it's just more of preparation. My advice is, if you are in the dorms, stay in the laundry room. Do not leave. Things will happen to your clothes. But mostly just try to be social, because the friends that you make your freshman year are not likely going to be the friends that you make, the friends that you have by the time you graduate. There's maybe one friend that I still have that was from my freshman year, and he's great. And he was also at cap. But most of my friends that I've made are from cap, and some of them were students, some of them were tutors. Actually, Cap, you can be both a student and a tutor there.

Oh, wow. Okay. Awesome.

You can be a student who is diagnosed with autism and receive services as well as working there as a tutor. Like all the tutors are students on campus, but not all of them are diagnosed with autism. Some of them are.

That laundry room advice, it's evergreen. It never goes away. Same thing when I was in college so very many years ago. Don't leave your clothes in the laundry. Don't leave them unattended.

There was one time, like, we were waiting for about an hour for some, like, dryers to be free, and there was a woman who came in, was like, are you all waiting on a dryer? And we said yes. And so instead of opening up a dryer that was done, she saw one that had just finished, put all of those clothes into the donation bin, and then moved her clothes into that washer.

Yeah, I mean, say same thing. I've seen the same thing happen, you know. So, yeah, stay, stay with your laundry. Of course, knowing my son, he'll just bring it home to mama. So, Shake, tell me what's next for you? What's coming up?

You mean when I graduate?

Sure. Yeah. With your, with your degree in social work, right?

Yeah, I will. So I. I will have to get my certification. So that's the CSW exam. And then I will apply to one. I will apply to each of the eight places that I have on, on my course work board that I want to apply to. And then I will have the licensure program, which is two years. So I'll be doing supervised therapy because I want to be a disability counselor and work with families. And so the two year licensure program will, will be, will have me be supervised. And then I'll take a licenser, an LCSW exam. And when I get my license, I won't be supervised anymore. And I will be helping families with, with their offspring. I. I don't like saying kids because they're not always going to be kids, like, you know, parents and guardians with, you know, their adult children, you know, their offspring. You know, sometimes they're going to be like, you know, in elementary school, sometimes they're going to be adults with jobs, you know, neurological, developmental, and intellectual disabilities. I want to help make sure that the parents understand what it means to have a disability. I want to make sure that the parents have better communication and acceptance and understanding of their, their offspring. I want to make sure that the communication between them are, are solid and that they're not contributing accidentally to learned helplessness. That, you know, regardless of needs levels, their kid is smart there and they are capable of doing so much. And, and you can't pigeonhole them. You can't say, well, they aren't capable of doing this. Well, maybe right now, but that doesn't mean you stop trying. And, you know, maybe this skill isn't something they'll ever learn, but maybe they will. It depends. And you know, I, I want to make sure that the, the offspring, like the, the actual client with a disability, maybe the parents or guardian has a disability too, and I'll help with that as well. But I want to make sure that they are on the waivers that they need, that they have the communication that they are capable of communicating in the way that works for them, whether it is speaking or non speaking. And I want to make sure that they have the accommodations that work for them. I don't want to force accommodations on people. I want to make sure that I find something that actually works for them that they like. And I want to make sure that they understand themselves and are able to have jobs or go to school if that's what they want to do is go to school. I want them to be as independent as possible because it's your. In the. The most independent you are, the less risk of abuse you will have. And regardless of needs levels, I, I want each family's individual with a disability to live up to their full potential and to understand just how intelligent and how capable they truly are.

I love hearing your passion and I, I hope you're able to do all those things. And it sounds like you will. You seem very determined, and I hope you stay here in Kentucky.

Thank you. I do not plan to leave Kentucky. I'm. I'm not a person who likes travel.

Awesome. Awesome. All right, y', all, that is Shea, Ryan, Kessler, Shay, thank you so much for joining me.

Thank you for having me.

Demand and Disrupt is a production of the advocado Press with generous support from the center for Accessible Living, based in Louisville, Kentucky. Our executive producers are me, Kimberly Parsley and Dave Mathis. Our sound engineer is Michael Parsley. Thanks to Chris Ankin for the use of his song Change. Don't forget to follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode and please consider leaving a review. You can find links to our email and social media in the show notes. Please reach out and let's keep the conversation going. Thanks. Everyone. Would agree.

We both know there's a difference We've had our curtain calling this time the writing's on the wall. This wall of words we can't defend. Two damaged hearts Refuse to mend

this

situation's point with each and every day it's not a game we need to play. Change we try to make things better Repair and rearrange things but each and every letter spelled out the need for us to open up our minds and hearts to change. Control the dice then what will be will be Disregard for good to set us free Free Church there's just no way of knowing if love lives anymore Turn out the light and close the door. We try to make things better Repair and rearrange things but each and every letter spelled out the truth for us to open up our mind.